apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
