Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
