Can i not drive my cunt home
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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