yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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