K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
