Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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