I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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