I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
