sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
