He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
