Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
