Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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