the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
