So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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