ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
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