I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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