I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
