You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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