I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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