Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
