Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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