I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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