Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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