oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
