you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
