Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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