Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize