I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
