I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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