a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
