Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
