you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
