Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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