Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
