I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
