my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
