4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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