Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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