wakey wakey hands off snakey
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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