a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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