Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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