sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize