You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
