I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
