Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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