i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
