Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
