I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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