you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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