The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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