I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
