i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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