When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
