I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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