How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
