Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
