Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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