can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
