I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
