Do you still have your period?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
