The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
