Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
