why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
