Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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