I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
