My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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