I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
