I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think my moral compass just broke
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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