Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
