I like my sex mixed with concussions.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize