New invention idea: vibrating tampons
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
