FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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