I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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