god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
