Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
