Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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