what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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