my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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