Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
