Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
