you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Mom said you looked used
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
