Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
