now i know why i became what i already was.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
