Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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