So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
