Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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