How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
