he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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