We named our party play list daddy issues
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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