is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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