new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize