Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
