It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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