my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
