You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
