Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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